Czech mate

Above is a clip of some of our Czech counterparts finding a new use for their traffic control paddles. It is absolutely hilarious! Keep watching till the end when they nearly get caught!

F**k the police

Check out this politically correct 'British' version of a US rap song.

Whoops!

Please click the title for the full news story.

Now I'm not trained to the level required in order to pursue vehicles. Its a three week course before you can even put the blue lights on and then even more weeks training for the next grade.

I know accidents can happen but hitting a lamp post??

Really that is a bit embarrassing!

Now there may be an issue with the fact the officers were a little out of practice I suspect there aren't to many pursuits in this part of the world. (only joking boys)

Concern for male

Learnt another valuable lesson the other day, never volunteer for a call before getting all the facts.

I foolishly volunteered for a call the other day and then asked for control to pass details. The details went some thing like this: concern for male hasn't been seen for a few days, there is now several days milk on his doorstep. - Great I thought.

Rather predictably, knock knock on the door, boot the door in, search the very minging house. Hmmm what a interesting smell coming from the bathroom. Poor chap, passed away Elvis style on the bog.

Not a pretty sight, and as anyone in the job knows it is now my responsibility to search the body for any signs of foul play. The things we do to pay the mortgage I thought to myself as I struggle to lift a half naked corpse off a lavatory and begin examining it.

Apparently over 250 people pass away this way every year a colleague has since informed me. I wonder how I will pass away?

(I hope its peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather who was a bus driver, and not screaming in terror like his passengers)

A shaggy dog story

Well they've done it again!!

Click the title to be taken to the full news story.

Basically a certain force started a full scale major investigation after finding a trail of blood in a park. Only to discover a lady's dog had cut its leg on some glass whilst she was out walking it!

All I can say is, I feel sorry for the officers who had to guard the scene all night in the middle of February!

The key to good policing

The other evening I did an attachment with the traffic department. The idea being spend a shift with a specialised department to see if there was anything I could learn as part of my probation.

That being the aim of the evening I can confirm it was a success I did indeed learn a valuable lesson.

Just as it looked like the shift had turned into a very uneventful 12 hours we saw a crappy fiesta 4 up with lads. So sneak up behind it, blue lights, vehicle stops. My colleague makes his way to the driver's door:

'Hello, son come and take seat in the back of our car'

Meanwhile I get the the names of the three passengers and begin radio checks beginning with the front seat passenger:

'Can I have a console for three person checks please?'

'Go ahead with the first'

'Officer blah, on blah road, checking blah, blah born blah'

'Got one exact match, disqual driver and an ASBO'

'What are the conditions of the ASBO?'

'Not to associate with blah, blah and blah'

'I bet you can't guess who my other person checks are?'

Before I ask my next question I turn my back, so that the occupants can't hear my question.

'Does that carry a power of arrest?'

Now, with my back turned i hear Vroom,Vroom and the car takes off!

The front seat passenger had only jumped across and started the car with the keys which we had left in the ignition!!!

Now for some reason I don't know why I began to run after the car, I know it was a crappy fiesta but i don't think I could have caught it. Dive back in the patrol car up the road one lap of the council estate and we're all over the car. That is until, it goes off road across the park, round the rugby pitch twice, into the woods, lights out, gone!

So next time I stop a vehicle I will be taking the keys out of the ignition!!!

Karma Police

I'm not having much luck lately!

Picture the scene, you arrive for work in your car there is no parking for officers inside a compound or car park so you are forced to park on the street. This is because when the station was built in 1880 (i kid you not) police officers parking their cars was not a consideration as cars were not invented yet! so you are forced to park on the narrow street along with all the other cars.

A few hours later you're in the nick minding your own business, you hear bang! crash! wallop! you make your way down stairs out the back to see two vehicles smashed up on the junction nearby. Never mind you think to yourself just make sure section 170 is complied with and maybe do an accident book.

Then you realise these two vehicles have also hit your own lovely car! bad enough? it gets worse.

Then you you speak to the drivers, your colleague a rather keen special constable takes details while you examine your car. Meanwhile one of the drivers slips away!

A few radio checks reveal the vehicle is not insured etc etc.

Then you look at the offending vehicle and remember you stopped this vehicle yesterday as it had no tax. You spoke to the driver who gave you a load of cock and bull which you foolishly believed therefore you didn't do a PNC check.

Which would have revealed the vehicle was uninsured, the driver unlicenced, therefore you would have had it seized, therefore it wouldn't have been on the road the following day to smack into your vehicle!!!

Is it me or is that some kind of karma !!??