Art or criminal damage?

Hello fellow bloggers firstly apologies for the lack of posts recently. I don't really have a reason just had nothing to say. However recently something or someone has come to my attention. Namely a graffiti 'artist' from Bristol by the name of 'Banksy'.

I don't know if any of you are already familiar with this persons work or not but lately I have seen his work at least Banksy inpired works appearing in my city.

Recently he has been auctioning his work off for tens of thousands:

On 7 February 2007, Sotheby's auction house in London auctioned three Banksy works and reached the highest ever price for a Banksy work at auction of over £102,000 for his Bombing Middle England. Two of his other graffiti works, Balloon Girl and Bomb Hugger, sold for £37,200 and £31,200 respectively, which were well above their estimate prices.The following day's auction saw a further three Banksy works reach soaring prices. Ballerina With Action Man Parts reached £96,000 whilst Glory sold for £72,000 and Untitled (2004) sold for £33,600 - all three auctions sold way over expected estimates. To coincide with the second day of auctions, Banksy updated his website front home page with a new image of an auction house scene with people bidding on a picture that said, "I Can't Believe You Morons Actually Buy This Shit."

Here is a selection of my favourites. More can be found here.

So is it art or criminal damage????

Top of the Cops

The Home Office has released annual assessments of police forces' performance in England and Wales.

Well done Lancashire I sure your bosses will be getting big slaps on the back. Not so good for Bedfordshire tho, come on guys get those cannabis warnings in!!


Lancashire 18 1
Surrey 18 1
Cumbria 16 3
Northumbria 16 3
Dyfed Powys 15 5
Hampshire 15 5
Hertfordshire 15 5
Leicestershire 15 5
Suffolk 15 5
West Mercia 15 5
Norfolk 14 11
South Yorkshire 14 11
West Yorkshire 14 11
Metropolitan 13 14
North Yorkshire 13 14
Staffordshire 13 14
West Midlands 13 14
City of London 12 18
Dorset 12 18
Merseyside 12 18
North Wales 12 18
Sussex 12 18
Essex 11 23
Gloucestershire 11 23
Kent 11 23
Avon and Somerset 10 26
Cambridgeshire 10 26
Cheshire 10 26
Cleveland 10 26
Durham 10 26
Nottinghamshire 10 26
Warwickshire 10 26
Devon and Cornwall 9 33
Derbyshire 8 34
Gwent 8 34
South Wales 8 34
Wiltshire 8 34
Greater Manchester 7 38
Humberside 7 38
Lincolnshire 7 38
Northamptonshire 7 38
Thames Valley 7 38
Bedfordshire 1 43

Where does your force rank?

Lets just say mine is a non-mover set to be dumped by the record label!!

Tango, Tango

hmmm, seems fairly typical of CID!

The Final Score

Don't you just love domestics!

Its the early evening we have just finished dealing with a crappy neighbour dispute. When we receive a call to a very busy estate, a report of an on going domestic by a neighbour. We are not far away and wanna get out of this street ASAP so we make are excuses and tear off.

We arrive on scene to be greeted by the female, she runs into the front garden in some very revealing pink PJ's. She shouts out 'he's run out the back door!' We run around to the rear lane but he's gone. We search the rear gardens nothing, except in the rear garden of this house there is a pile of clothes and a toothbrush strewn on some weeds purporting to be a lawn.

Never mind, I go inside and start getting her account. My colleague chats with the informant next door.

She says they've had a row and he's kicked her.

I ask if there are any marks but I there are none. I also ask if she wants to make a complaint this time. I've never been here myself but apparently she has made several complaints before and never gone to court with them. She is not entirely sure but in the end she states she does want to give a statement. So I start taking a statement I begin by getting some background, how many kids they have, what lead up to the row etc. All the time I've got Ant and Dec full blast on the TV and their eldest child of 18 months who's just started walking going through my file and pulling at my paperwork.

I've written about a page and a half by this stage.

She states she slapped him first.

Woman 1 Man 0

She then states he kicked her until she fell on the floor.

Woman 1 Man 1

I say that's fine he can't claim self defence as its not really proportionate to a slap. I ask did anything else happen? Well I did get a knife and shout I'm going to f**king kill you she adds does that make a difference? My colleague informs me that's what the neighbour heard and that's why she called us.

Woman 2 Man 1

Anything else I ask. Shall I mention the bit where I him with the chair?

Woman 3 Man 1

Oh dear I say. We explain that if he is arrested there are likely to be counter allegations. She ponders on this, then decides not to make a complaint after all.

PNB signed happy days.

I think he'd already lost this round.

Where were the parents???

This is the tragic story of a young ten year old boy who drowned in a lake earlier this summer.

He and his 8 year old sister went to the lake, the young girl got into difficulties in the lake and the boy tried to save her. Two passer's by then got in and pulled out the girl unfortunately the little boy slipped under and disappeared from view.

Two PCSO's attended the scene, but for whatever reason they did not assist in rescuing the young boy.

I've just watched the mother on the news having a go at the police and asking 'why didn't the PCSOs jump in and save her boy?'

I've got some questions for the mother, where were you whilst this was happening?? Why did you allow your 8 and 10 year old children to go to a lake unsupervised??

The police have defended the PCSOs stating they were not trained for live saving. Well neither are regular PC's (except for Devon and Cornwall).

The fact they were PCSO's is irrelevant. They as individuals had to make a split second life or death decision. They were there they had the information, they know their own physical capabilities they knew the condition of the water and all the other impact factors.

Personally I probably would have jumped into a lake in the month of may to save a live. But I'm a fit male twenty something. If it was the north sea in December I'd have to think twice.

The point is this is another example of the public blaming the police solely responsible for something, when maybe they are partially responsible.

Cooking the books.

As anyone who works for any department in the government, be they teachers, paramedics or police officers they will know the government is obsessed with targets.

Be they hospital waiting lists, exam results or ambulance response times etc. For the police however the government has decided that the way a police force will be judged is by the percentage of crimes they 'solve' or 'detect' compared to the number of crimes reported as a percentage.

This has the following effect, all the forces are then compared with each other and ranked. My force has come in at around forth from bottom, so all the big bosses got a bollocking from the Chief Constable. Then all the Chief superintendents got a bollocking and so on and so on until the sector inspectors gave their sergeants a bollocking.

Then all us Pc's at the bottom of the pile get told to get out there and get some detections!

This has had the following effect in our nick, on every wall is a poster stating the minimum number we each require each month. (Several officers have now been called into the inspectors office and been asked to account for why they've failed to meet this target invented by the inspector). The inspector has written all our names on the whiteboard and next to it the number of detections for each month.

I thought that our nick was bad, in our neighbouring nick its even worse with an actual race to who can get the most each month with a points system and prizes for the winner !!!!

As I said a detection is a detected crime. Now a detected crime could be solving a murder, a rape, a robbery or a burglary. However a crime could also be a person person swearing in the street or it could be a lad having a spliff in a park.

It takes about 15 minutes to issue a £80 ticket for section 5 and even less time to issue a street warning for possession of cannabis. However each one still counts as one detected crime the same as a murder, rape, robbery or burglary.

So we are actually being encouraged by the bosses to get these 'quick' hits. This has led to any officer get some time to be pro-active they are not really looking for robbers or burglars they'd rather find a group of lads sharing a spliff.

I have also heard rumours of officers actually winding up people until they contravene section 5 then issuing them with a ticket.

It's almost as if nothing else matters just get some quick detections, even to the point where are discretion is being taken away. Perhaps you may be dealing with something that could potentially lead to a charge but is probably better to sort out another way i.e a playground scrap or some unwanted texts. You find yourself thinking why bother just get them charged. Which has lead to this.

So if you see your local Chief Constable in the paper or on the news going on about how much their force has improved and solved loads more crime, the likely hood isn't that they haven't solved any more murders, rapes, robberies or burglaries they just learnt how to cook the books.

There is more on this in tonight's episode of panorama 'wasting police time' on BBC1 at 8.30.

Prison strike

Today at 7 am the prison service went on strike.

The strike is illegal, the same as it is with us police officers it is illegal for prison officers to go on strike. However they have still gone on strike!

The reason for their strike, the government haven't given them the pay rise they wanted for the last two years and they have to deal with more and more violence.

Sound familiar??? Would we go on an illegal strike?

No probably not and why? Well who would bail out the government if we went on strike?? I'm sure we will bail them out by looking after the prisons while the prison officers go on strike just as we bailed them out when the firefighters went on strike.

Then when they get the pay rise they want our 'toothless' federation will continue to negotiate for our pay rise but ultimately the government know we will have to take what we are given.

For any MOP reading it is illegal for police officers to join a trade union and it is illegal for us to strike therefore our federation has no influence what so ever on the government.

(PCSO's however are allowed to join a trade union! Maybe we could go on strike and leave them in charge!!!!)

The matador of Exmoor

This footage is courtesy of Devon and Cornwall, watch and enjoy



I love the way the poor bobby runs in a catoon style, quality!!

Sweet 16

Here's a story you've probably already seen in the news.

It raises several questions such as;

"Part of their job is to seize alcohol from under 18's so it would be inappropriate for a 16-year-old to be in possession of something they are not allowed to have."

One Federation official pointed out that, technically, they could not deal with a disturbance in a cinema if a certificate 18 film was being shown.

What a joke! The article also points out that there plans to recruit even more PCSO's.

Oh I do love to be beside the seaside !!

Some naughty Gwent police officers have apparently been getting up to no good.

They have been playing a game of who can travel the furthest out of force without getting caught. Then taking pictures, allegedly taking pictures of each other whilst on the log flume at Barry Island!

POLAC

Now that's what I call a POLAC!

Its amazing both the rider and passenger are still able to make off!

P.S As you can see I'm having some difficulties with the layout of my blog.

He loves me tho

A little while ago I was on duty when a call came out, it was a social worker ringing us. She'd been around to speak with 'J', she had gone to 'J's flat to inform her that social services were taking her child off her. Upon being told this she had ran off in a distressed state and the social worker was now concerned for her.

I've had previous dealings with 'J' and had a little knowledge of the situation so I attended. 'J' is a funny sort if she hadn't been raised on a diet of cigarettes and take away meals she probably would be quite pretty, but this life style had left her gaunt and pale. Although she was almost thirty she had the frame of a teenager and if it wasn't for the tobacco stained teeth she'd pass for twenty. She was always very quiet and almost withdrawn.

The reason I know 'J' is because about October last year she attended the station with a broken jaw, in fact it was broken in three places. She told me it was her on/off partner 'T'. He'd got pissed one night, punched her in the face and kept her locked in the house all night and all the next day without any medical treatment. Just imagine enduring the pain of a broken jaw for 24 hours without so much as an asprin. Eventually he left and she ran to her friends house who took her to hospital. Whilst there she claimed she fell off a chair whilst decorating. A week after this her friend persuaded her to report it to the police.

I found out later from her friend that she'd been reluctant to contact the police because she knew if social services found out the child was there while all this was happening they'd take the child away at that time. 'J' told me the child wasn't there that night and he was at her friends, her friend was supposed to tell me this version as well but told me the truth.

So here she was barely able to talk, I took the statement, crimed it as a section 18 and unlawful imprisonment. I informed CID, hoping they would take it on, but as soon as I mentioned it was domestic related they didn't want to know. I then began trying to track down 'T', unfortunately 'T' was a habitual criminal and as soon as he found out we were after him he went to ground.

I tried every thing, circulated him on PNC, enquires at all his associates, DWP checks. I spent several mornings in plain clothes waiting for him to sign on at the job centre. I even put him on the crimestoppers website and arranged for an appeal on the local news version of crimewatch. But not a peep.

Then on Christmas eve, he was stopped drink driving fantastic! I was off over Christmas so CID agreed to take it on. When I returned I checked with CID as to how they got on.

The reply? 'J' had dropped the complaint!!! The reason? He'd managed to convince her he loved her and wouldn't do it again. Typical!

Anyway back to this call, just after I arrived the duty inspector arrived. We spoke with the social worker and 'J's support worker who were at scene. They rang her mobile and persuaded her to return, which she did.

Upon her return the social worker explained they were taking her son into care because 'T' had continued to abuse her and this made the home an unsafe place for the child to live.

I looked at her and felt like saying 'If only you'd followed through with your complaint, this would never have happened because he'd be inside right now'

I didn't say it. I didn't need to.

I looked at her, she already knew that.

Don't believe the hype

Some days when its like this, the middle of my rest days, Mrs Lima and all my mates are at work and its pouring with rain I sit in front of the box I get bored and start flicking the channels. I usually get to about channel 121 and I pause briefly. You can usually guarantee that there will be one of the following programs: Street wars/Car wars/Street crime UK 4/ Cameraman running after fat coppers UK 7/ Drunken domestics in the street UK15/ Chavs on the run UK 19 or similar.

For a moment I watch with some interest, remembering the anticipation with which I applied to join the ‘FORCE’. I remember the excitement of my first shift, thinking when do the chases start? Ah well maybe they start on day two, bit too much to expect on the first day.

The thing is with these shows is that they don’t really reflect real life policing. These programs show a highly concentrated, over hyped, highly edited version of policing. I wonder how many hours the camera men have to follow the coppers around to get an half hour show? Even then some of the footage is very mundane.

I’m not saying I never get foot chases or pursuits but if a camera man had been following me around for the last two years they wouldn’t even fill up a half hour program. I actually work in a very busy part of a large city, it just doesn’t happen like it does on TV.

To anyone not yet in the police and thinking about joining please remember. For every five minutes of excitement there are months of paperwork and dealing with trivial squabbles amongst the underclass.

What also winds me up is you may see someone driving a stolen car like a loon, putting dozens of lives at risk for miles and miles, or a drunk spitting, swearing and attacking police officers, then at the end of the program, while every one has got up to put the kettle on and whilst being drowned out by the theme tune you will hear Jamie Theakston say either the following: The male arrested in the stolen car who drove across three counties whilst high on drugs and failed to stop for police was given a referral order. Or no charges were brought against the drunk woman who bit off a bouncers ear and spat in the police officers face

Here’s just one example of the infamous Pat and Carl.

The Flying Squad !!!

Watch and enjoy. Listen to the female officer trying not to laugh, this chap is obviously a boss as well. I bet he'd go nuts if he knew this video was on the net. If you know where its from and who he is let me know.

The Knife

Here's a tale that I was told whilst in training. Although it sounds like a tall story judging by the miss match of random knives, forks and various other kitchen utensils lurking in the cutlery draw in our nick I can see it could be true.

Some years ago there was a small rural station that the powers that be had decided needed knocking down and a new station needed to be built in its place. So the old station needed to be cleared out.

As one of the officers was clearing out the property store he came across some photos of a murder that had happened many years previously. There were of course pictures of the victim, the murder scene and the murder weapon. The murder weapon was a distinctive long wooden handled bread knife, with a serrated edge, and where there was once two prongs on the end of the knife there was now only one.

Hmmm, the officer thought to himself this knife looks familiar. He then realised this murder weapon had someway found its way into the cutlery draw and they had been using it for all these years since!!!

Balearic Beats

You may have noticed a lack of posts recently, you may not have, you may not care less. Anyway the reason for this has been AL. Yay!!

As I was sat in the sun on a certain Spanish island sipping San Miguel, I was still thinking about work. In particular I remembered a story that a friend of mine told me about when he and a group of his mates visited this party island.

One night he and his mates were out drinking and they thought it would be a good laugh to jump around in the fountains in the middle of the central plaza. A good laugh it was too, until the Spanish police turned up.

Who promptly dragged them out of the fountains, kept hold of them and then proceeded to beat them with their batons.

Understandably this had the desired effect my friend and his group never went near the fountains ever again and every time they saw a Spanish copper they made sure they kept their heads down and their mouths shut.

This raises several issues, surely this approach is more effective than a £80 fine?

Secondly where’s the JPLAN in that? Where’s the five step appeal? Where’s the conflict resolution model? Spain is part of the EU, presumably they have the human rights act too, how can they get away with this type of behaviour?

This video of Spanish police at an anti Iraq war protest illustrates the behaviour I’m talking about.




How can they get away with this?? Imagine the outcry if this footage was of an incident in the UK.

I think I've flooded the engine.

Watch and enjoy. Comments please.

I like the way the driver pauses, thinks about it, then goes for it, OOOPS!!!!

A little respect

During my last set of shifts I’ve had two experiences where I’ve thought WTF I’m a police officer how dare you speak to me like that!

These weren’t shit bags these were supposedly ‘upstanding’ members of the community.
I can understand our regular customers having a go at us. Any chance we get we either arrest them/search them/ or knock their door in the middle of the night. But generally if you are ‘tidy’ with them they are ‘tidy’ with you. They know it’s a game sometimes they lose and we catch them but mostly they win and get away with it.

Saturday I was dealing with a motor cyclist I had just stopped on a busy high street, meanwhile there were two traffic wardens on the opposite side of the road booking cars. The traffic wardens have a problem with the car they are booking and call me over to assist. While I’m then helping the traffic wardens a middle aged, middle class male comes out of his shop and begins to rant in a loud irate tone at the two female wardens and myself. He’s going ‘YOU LOT ARE A BUNCH OF PARASITES, YOU ARE NEVER AROUND IN THE WEEK, ONLY ON WEEKENDS ON OVERTIME!!’ which shows what he knows. He would not calm down, the street was packed there we onlookers with their children and everything. He came so close to coming in on a section 5. But I just could not believe this was coming from a supposedly ‘upstanding’ member of society.

Then Tuesday night I’m on route to an immediate with a black female colleague when we are passing through the student area of the sector and we see a white male wearing a green shirt collapsed on the floor. We stop pull over and I approach the male who is obviously a student and out of his head on drink. I shake his shoulders and he comes round the first thing he does is say ‘FUCK OFF’ he continues swearing and saying why you bothering me. He gets to his feet, I try to get some details from him he refuses his details. Still continuing to swear and asking why we are bothering him we explain we are concerned for his safety he replies to my colleague ‘why do you care I’m white, you don’t give a fuck about me’. Again he was so close to coming in on a section 5, however we resumed to our immediate.

A few minutes later another immediate came out just around the corner from where we left this male; possible burglary in progress a male in a green shirt has just smashed the front window and gone inside. Me and my colleague know exactly who it is and divert. When we get there sure enough there he is inside, crashed out on the floor. We presume the obvious, that its his gaff and he’s lost his key. I climb through the window and let in my colleagues. I again manage to rouse him and he becomes abusive again I again ask his name this time to ascertain if he really is resident there. Again he refuses, but this time I mean it so I tell him he’s under arrest for section 110 of socap. We all struggle while I try to put the cuffs on eventually we win and throw him on the bed. All of a sudden he changes, he blurts out his name and details. He continues his dad is a judge and he’s studying law and begs us to not lock him up. Lucky for him we confirm he lives there and release him. (the damage is now between him and his landlord to sort out, I guess he won’t be seeing his bond back)

Again I just can’t get over how these supposedly ‘good’ law abiding people can treat us like we are shit. What is going on in society do people really have that little respect for us?

Pedal Power

Police officers in West Mercia are reported to have commandeered a rickshaw in order to respond to a assistance call!!

Is that using initiative or being lazy??

Burglar Bill

Ooops, the Beeb have an interesting story.

A police station in Northern Ireland was burgled after the last one to leave forgot to lock the door and turn on the alarm.

I think that person needs to look here.

CODE 4

Late 2005 the bosses decided not to renew the catering contracts for the canteens (there were only 3 in our division any way and not one in my nick) not because they wanted to save money, oh no it was so we could 'eat in the community'.

Now a memo has come round saying we are not to buy food in uniform. We a can't even pop into tesco's express or the local Mc/kebab/curry outlets whilst rushing between calls on our 12 hour shifts.

This is in response to local busy bodies writing into the local paper complaining about seeing officers eating! This is after we were told to eat in the communities!!

It wasn't like they were having a three course meal in restaurant they were eating pasties from Greggs on route to another call!

Do they think we are robots or something?!

We still have to eat we ARE still human beings!!!

This seasons must have

West Mercia are the first force in England (North Wales already have black T-shirts and base ball caps to wear) to get rid of the unpractical and annoying white shirt and black tie uniform. They are replacing it with this black T-shirt uniform. Which I think looks much better and I'm looking forward to my force adopting a similar uniform. We still need to lose those stupid 'tit' helmets tho.

Hungarian Hip-Hoppers

Looks like our foreign colleagues are at it again!

How do they get so much time to mess about? Obviously got more officers on their response shifts than us.

Standing by to standby

I would just like to say it really admire senior officers sometimes, they are clearly all resourceful and dynamic decision makers!

I also admire the fact that every section of British society respects the law and knows the police are in charge!

This weekend this was evident in incident that happened on a site for the ‘travelling fraternity’. Some of whom decided they liked the look of a large coil of copper wiring and they could put it better use than network rail to whom it belonged. They then took it back to their council owned, council paid for and supposedly council run site. Unfortunately the British Rail Police took exception to this and decided that it would be a good idea for a small group of their officers to enter the site retrieve the item and arrest the culprits.

The travelling fraternity however thought how dare the police do such a thing! And proceeded to throw rocks and stones at the officers until they had to withdraw.

This was around 11.30hrs, at around 16.00hrs all available officers were told to report to the HQ of the division.

So there we were around 30 officers from division. an OSD van and 4 dog handlers. We awaited further orders, and we waited and we waited. We were joined by many more officers from across the force until there was around 60 of us. At around 19.30 (3 hours later) hours a senior officer entered the room and announced. ‘WE ARE GOING TO ENTER THE SITE USE LIFTING EQUIPMENT TO RETRIVE THE STOLEN ARTICLE. SO CAN ALL PSU OFFICERS GET INTO THEIR LEVEL 2 KIT. WE ARE GOING SEND A MESSAGE TO THESE PEOPLE WE ARE IN CHARGE!’

I asked what about the rest of us who weren’t PSU trained and was told to stand by. I was getting very bored by this stage I had even read the force’s own publication/propaganda/magazine I was that bored.

All of sudden it was all go, as a convoy of 4 police dog vans and 6 riot vans full of PSU kitted officers made their way to the RV point. I thought it looked very exciting as I looked out of the window in ore. A few minutes later, as the convoy was approaching the RV point a call came over the air ‘STOP THE CONVOY RETURN TO HQ’

Then the 55 PSU officers and the 4 police dogs returned to HQ, and were told to stand by. So we stood by and stood by and stood by until 21.30 hours when we were told to stand down. Because it was now too dark from a health and safety point of view and tomorrow (when the travellers had moved/hidden the articles) officers would try negotiations.

Well that really showed them who is in charge didn’t it!

STOP POLICE!

Well I don't mean to boast but my last set of shifts was great (please see my last post).

On my second night shift I was out with two others in plain clothes on an operation when a call comes in two males breaking into a car. We are only round the corner in a car we borrowed from CID so we get there and can't find the car in question. I get out and walk down a side street, there it is still with the two lads sat inside unbelievable!

As I approach the boy in the drivers seat looks straight at me, as I reach for the door handle he calmly pushes down the lock! CRAP! Then his mate is out and running, I give chase I manage to grab his hoody which comes off in my hands. Then time seemed to stop as he pauses, I look at him, he looks at me, I look at the hoody in my hands, then the foot chase begins again!! I manage to get on the air whilst running to give my location.

As I'm running he's looking back surprised I'm still hot on his heals and looking a little worried, for some reason I forgot I was in plain clothes and I didn't think to call out 'STOP POLICE' I called out 'WHEN I GET HOLD OF YOU I'M GONNA F**K YOU UP!' which is very out of character for me. I guess I've spending too much time with my footy fan colleagues which I followed with 'DON'T TRY TO OUTRUN ME I RUN MARATHONS!' I've never run more than the distance from my house to the train station before!

We run about 250 yards. Then coming towards us is a uniformed patrol, the driver pulls up in front of us and times the opening of her door perfectly, hitting him in the knees! The other PC runs around the patrol car and we both dive on the suspect!

Later I'm waiting to book the suspect into custody he says to me 'YOU'RE SAFE YOU ARE BRA, YOU WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME ALL THE WAY NOT LIKE THEM OTHER COPPERS.' I said ' WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP?' he replied 'I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOME HAVE AGO HERO GONNA FILL ME IN'

That's the second time in a week its been like in The Bill!

PS if you were wondering some of my colleagues caught the other one

Bang to rights

Hello fellow bloggers, you may have noticed that I haven't posted in a while. Well to be honest I haven't really been enjoying work much lately, so when my rest days came around I've rather not think about the job and enjoy my rest days. All the politics, bureaucracy and shits getting off Scot free had got me down.

But that all changed yesterday afternoon when for once I was in the right place at the right time and managed to catch three burglars 'bang to rights' singled handed (well with some assistance from my PCSO colleague)! All but the one who was the lookout have 'had it' in interview and I'm back in the sarge's good books. For the first time in a while I remembered why I joined the job in first place. Its hardly ever like an episode of The Bill, but the few times when it is it makes it all worth it.

Nothing Changes

"We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning
to form up into teams, we would be reorganized. I was to learn later
in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing;
and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress
while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization."


by: Gaius Petronius Arbiter
Date: 210 BC

I saw this quote and couldn't believe how relevant it was to today's police force especially mine despite being over 2000 years old.

I have only been independent for 12 months yet I have moved shifts three times and stations twice. I am not alone I think everyone in my BCU has been moved at least once this year. Just when people are getting settled and teams are beginning to gel its all move again for the chief's latest theory on how we should be organised.

They don't seem to understand it doesn't matter how many times they divide us up they still have the same amount of officers and the same amount of calls coming in for the area.

Is it just my force, or are all forces like this?

Czech mate

Above is a clip of some of our Czech counterparts finding a new use for their traffic control paddles. It is absolutely hilarious! Keep watching till the end when they nearly get caught!

F**k the police

Check out this politically correct 'British' version of a US rap song.

Whoops!

Please click the title for the full news story.

Now I'm not trained to the level required in order to pursue vehicles. Its a three week course before you can even put the blue lights on and then even more weeks training for the next grade.

I know accidents can happen but hitting a lamp post??

Really that is a bit embarrassing!

Now there may be an issue with the fact the officers were a little out of practice I suspect there aren't to many pursuits in this part of the world. (only joking boys)

Concern for male

Learnt another valuable lesson the other day, never volunteer for a call before getting all the facts.

I foolishly volunteered for a call the other day and then asked for control to pass details. The details went some thing like this: concern for male hasn't been seen for a few days, there is now several days milk on his doorstep. - Great I thought.

Rather predictably, knock knock on the door, boot the door in, search the very minging house. Hmmm what a interesting smell coming from the bathroom. Poor chap, passed away Elvis style on the bog.

Not a pretty sight, and as anyone in the job knows it is now my responsibility to search the body for any signs of foul play. The things we do to pay the mortgage I thought to myself as I struggle to lift a half naked corpse off a lavatory and begin examining it.

Apparently over 250 people pass away this way every year a colleague has since informed me. I wonder how I will pass away?

(I hope its peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather who was a bus driver, and not screaming in terror like his passengers)

A shaggy dog story

Well they've done it again!!

Click the title to be taken to the full news story.

Basically a certain force started a full scale major investigation after finding a trail of blood in a park. Only to discover a lady's dog had cut its leg on some glass whilst she was out walking it!

All I can say is, I feel sorry for the officers who had to guard the scene all night in the middle of February!

The key to good policing

The other evening I did an attachment with the traffic department. The idea being spend a shift with a specialised department to see if there was anything I could learn as part of my probation.

That being the aim of the evening I can confirm it was a success I did indeed learn a valuable lesson.

Just as it looked like the shift had turned into a very uneventful 12 hours we saw a crappy fiesta 4 up with lads. So sneak up behind it, blue lights, vehicle stops. My colleague makes his way to the driver's door:

'Hello, son come and take seat in the back of our car'

Meanwhile I get the the names of the three passengers and begin radio checks beginning with the front seat passenger:

'Can I have a console for three person checks please?'

'Go ahead with the first'

'Officer blah, on blah road, checking blah, blah born blah'

'Got one exact match, disqual driver and an ASBO'

'What are the conditions of the ASBO?'

'Not to associate with blah, blah and blah'

'I bet you can't guess who my other person checks are?'

Before I ask my next question I turn my back, so that the occupants can't hear my question.

'Does that carry a power of arrest?'

Now, with my back turned i hear Vroom,Vroom and the car takes off!

The front seat passenger had only jumped across and started the car with the keys which we had left in the ignition!!!

Now for some reason I don't know why I began to run after the car, I know it was a crappy fiesta but i don't think I could have caught it. Dive back in the patrol car up the road one lap of the council estate and we're all over the car. That is until, it goes off road across the park, round the rugby pitch twice, into the woods, lights out, gone!

So next time I stop a vehicle I will be taking the keys out of the ignition!!!

Karma Police

I'm not having much luck lately!

Picture the scene, you arrive for work in your car there is no parking for officers inside a compound or car park so you are forced to park on the street. This is because when the station was built in 1880 (i kid you not) police officers parking their cars was not a consideration as cars were not invented yet! so you are forced to park on the narrow street along with all the other cars.

A few hours later you're in the nick minding your own business, you hear bang! crash! wallop! you make your way down stairs out the back to see two vehicles smashed up on the junction nearby. Never mind you think to yourself just make sure section 170 is complied with and maybe do an accident book.

Then you realise these two vehicles have also hit your own lovely car! bad enough? it gets worse.

Then you you speak to the drivers, your colleague a rather keen special constable takes details while you examine your car. Meanwhile one of the drivers slips away!

A few radio checks reveal the vehicle is not insured etc etc.

Then you look at the offending vehicle and remember you stopped this vehicle yesterday as it had no tax. You spoke to the driver who gave you a load of cock and bull which you foolishly believed therefore you didn't do a PNC check.

Which would have revealed the vehicle was uninsured, the driver unlicenced, therefore you would have had it seized, therefore it wouldn't have been on the road the following day to smack into your vehicle!!!

Is it me or is that some kind of karma !!??